Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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