Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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