Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
