dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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