my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
