just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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