This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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