Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
