My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
