Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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