I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
