I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
