Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
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his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
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I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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