i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
