forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
