I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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