He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
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Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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