My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
