you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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