right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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