textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
