I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
