Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
