i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
