bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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