1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
