she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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