My underwear smells like fireworks.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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