my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
