whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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