Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
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Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
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you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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