I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
