Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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