Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
