guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
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Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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