I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
