This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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