Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
