I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
