Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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