A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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