Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want her autograph on my taint
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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