chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
