her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
