Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
