Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
