She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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