Porn is love you can see.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
