hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
