My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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