i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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