never play flip cup with pint glasses
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
