Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
