I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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