my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
