dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you didnt know i had herpes?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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