im drinking this country out of the recession.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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