So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
