she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
