Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
