she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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