I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
