I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
