Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
