And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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