why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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