Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
