I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
