Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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