dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
