Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
