I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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