i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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