There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
