Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
