Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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