Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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