I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
