the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
40s are totally the cure
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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