Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
