I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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