I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
