His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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