Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
