I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
