I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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