I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
