Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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